“Am I a writer?” Many people wonder about it, so how can you really tell? [Cue drum roll, please]…from the bottom of my heart, I offer these “tips” as a way to answer the “Am I? Am I not? dilemma:
Top 10 ways to tell if you’re a writer:
#10: Your spouse tells you that you mumble “What if? What if?” in your sleep each night.
#9: You’re trying to invent a laptop that dispenses coffee from one of its USB ports.
#8: Your best conversations are with people who don’t really exist.
#7: You put more time into naming your characters than you do your children.
#6: When you holler at your children it sounds like: “Barnes! Tell Noble to share his drink with Starbucks while I go change Amazon’s diaper. And would someone go tell Scrivener to turn down his stereo or I’m going to track change his epilogue! And, Macintosh, clean up your dangling participles or I’m going to google your father! And don’t query me like that!”
#5: When someone cuts you off in traffic, you roll down your window and yell, “That’s it! You have no idea what I’m going to do to you in my next book!”
#4: You’ve seriously considered using a Porta-Potty as a desk chair.
#3: You have a wristband with the letters WWJSBD on it, which stands for “What Would James Scott Bell Do?”
#2: You’re constantly tempted to stop and line-edit your King James Bible during morning devotions.
#1: You know entirely too many ways to kill someone with exotic poisons, before disposing of their body using a Swiss Army knife and Ziplock freezer bags.